The Sports Zoo

Its official:  We have our first upset weekend in college football.  Losers included #3 Oklahoma, #4 Florida, #5 West Virginia, #7 Texas, #10 Rutgers, #13 Clemson; and #1 USC narrowly escaped U-Dub with a late Figgie (also #8 Wisconsin only won because Michigan State is incompetant.).  Its great to see all of the upsets, especially because it opens up the possibility of finishing with several 1 or 2 loss teams, and the demise of the wretched BCS system.  I do give the BCS credit for one thing however, that it doesn’t release its standings until halfway through the season, giving the standings a chance to shake out a bit.  How many times has a “Top 5″ team lost in week one, the game been exclaimed a HUGE upset, only to have that team finish below .500 in the end, and not really be that big of an upset.  Going forward I call for the AP and USA Today polls to follow suit with the BCS and not release rankings until the 7th week of the regular season.

But then I’m also calling for a unanimous National Champion, a playoff system, and Tim Tebow winning the Heisman for the next 8 years.  This season is still young however, we’ll save the National Champion rant for later…till then, we shed a single tear for all of the teams who’s season was over before it really even got started.

Yes friends, its that special time of year.  The time of year that makes staring at the ESPN gamecast night after night (MLB Extra Innings?  *scoff*)  worth every second.  Where putting up with Mario Impemba for 6 months doesn’t seem so bad.  Its that time of year where some hearts are broken, and some hearts seem to leap out of your throat.  Mets fans are of the broken heart variety, as the steaking Phillies are about to hand them what Baseball Prospectus points out is the 2nd worst choke job.  EVER.  All the while nobody wants to win the NL Central, there is a SHOOTOUT in the NL West, and bragging rights are up for grabs in the AL East.

If we could just get rid of Dane Cook.  Meh.

(I acually like Dane too…)

So the Michigan government has decided it can’t balance last years budget (or this years, but whos counting), so it has no other choice but to close up shop on 35,000 Michigan state employees.  Most people seem to think that Governer Jennifer (Jenny) Granholm is to blame, despite the fact that she is saving hundreds of local health programs by not giving in to the demands of the mostly Republican State Senate.

But all of this is overlooking the real victims of the state government shutdown, the citizens of Michigan.  Not because of the people that have been layed off or the public utilities not operating.  Its because we don’t have access to booze, cigarettes, and lottery tickets.  Thats right, among meaningless things such as the Secretary of State office, public health utilities, and the state corrections office…the state layed off all regulators of the sale of packaged liquor and cigarettes, and nobody is working the lottery office.  The hell thats going to break loose if they run out of Cabo Wabo in certain areas of this state is beyond anything I can imagine.

I know just about everybody has already seen this, but its definately worth mentioning here…If you mess with armed security guards at a speech by somebody that ran for President, you probably deserve to get Tazed.

I don’t have a problem with the guy saying what he felt needed to be said, but man, when the giant dudes with tazers want you to cool it out a bit, you should probably do what they tell you to.  One can only imagine what W would have done in the same situation…  *snicker* you got tazed *snicker*

In news that frankly frightens me to report, you should really watch what you say to your wife.  Especially when it concerns your ex wife.  Just saying.  From Reuters:

“Malaysian doctors have reattached a man’s nearly severed penis after his first wife, enraged by his comparison of her sex skills with those of his younger second wife, decided to chop it off with a kitchen knife.

The man, a 43-year-old Indonesian worker in southern Johor state, was lying in bed with his 48-year-old wife talking about his newly wed second wife, who is in her 30s, when the incident happened, the New Straits Times newspaper reported.

Despite his shock and pain, the man managed to pull on his trousers and ride his motorcycle to a nearby hospital, where doctors had to put in 11 stitches to reattach the organ.”

The most painful part about this story, is that the guy didn’t drive his car to the hospital, he rode is MOTORCYCLE.  No word on whether or not it was a crotch rocket…  My guess is that Evil Kenivel would NEVER try a stunt like this.

Not that the Saints needed a reminder, but no 0-3 team has ever made it to the conference championship, and no team has even made the playoffs since the Bills in 1998 (they circled the wagons that year).  Drew Brees did his best Rex Grossman impression, and Keith “Mr. Monday Night” Bullocks had 3 INT’s, including one for a backbreaking pick-6.  Vince Young was spectacular in the spotlight, with his legs and his arm.  As Vince told Suzy Kolber:

“I just wanted to show people that I was a complete player.  I’m not just a scrambling quarterback, I’m a quarterback.  I think I proved that tonight”

Its good that Vince cleared that up, because I was beginning to think he was a linebacker.  whew.  Looks like the Madden Curse has finally met its match, but then again, if there was one player who could pimp slap the Madden Curse, it WOULD be Vince Young after all.

In fantasy news…Deuce Mcallister left the game with an apparent knee injury, and Reggie Bush looked very human in his absence.  Both of Reggie’s TDs came in goal line situations, and Bush was far from effective getting the Saints to said goal line.  With Vince already looking great, Mario Williams playing out of his mind in Houston….could it be that New Orleans was the team to make the bad choice in the 06 draft?  Every game Bush looks less like Barry Sanders and more like David Meggett….

 (Note on the picture:  Whats with the guy in the John Elway jersey???  John Elway?? Really????)

Memo to all employees of Major League Baseball and all Employees and personel of MLB teams:  Milton Bradley is F’ing insane.  From ESPN.com:

“Bradley went after Winters, was restrained by first base coach Bobby Meacham, then was ejected. Bradley continued to go after Winters. Black tired to restrain Bradley, grabbing him by the jersey and pushed him to the ground. Bradley grabbed his right knee and had to be helped off the field.”

Just picture the United Way commercial, with Milton Bradley playing Monopoly with a group of inner city kids…then little Johnny lands on free parking and all hell brakes loose.  This just brings us one step closer to Milton Bradley VS Carl Everett in a cage match at UFC #3,872…or whatever number they are up to these days.

It looks like things are just about wrapped up on the 2007 Detroit Tigers.  The stellar pitching staff, catalyst of the magical 2006 World Series run, all but abandoned the club this year, and injuries to key players down the stretch were more than the role players could step up and handle.  This might be a luxary in disguise for the Tigers next season however, as an extra month of rest, and the usual aggressiveness of Dave Dombrowski on the free agent market may prove to build a dominant team for 2008.  Rumors have been swirling that if Gary Sheffield can check his ego at the door, Barry Bonds would be a good fit for the DH spot.  I know this is just speculation at this point, but can you imagine the fear a pitcher would have of Granderson, Polanco, Maggs, Sheff, Bonds, Guillen, Thames, Maybin, Pudge, Inge???  That is at least as formidable as the Red Sox, and very close to the power of the Yankees.

Again that is all looking forward to next year, and as for this season all you can say in congrats to the Indians for being the better team all season, and to get those pitchers some rest…spring training is only five months away!*

*God that makes the season seem LONG.

Following a crazy Sunday of football, each week we will recap all of the games, with the usually less than expert analysis.  Recap is after the jump. 

Green Bay 31, San Diego 24

Brett Favre threw for 369 yards and 3 TD’s helping the Packers go to 3-0 for the first time since Brett Favre was good.  He also tied the career TD mark set by some sloutch named Dan Marino, and had a chance to break the record late in the fourth quarter, but the Pack ran it in, knowing if the runner was stopped the clock would continue running.  This evokes memories of last season, when the same Chargers that were on the field against GB were playing against KC.  Already up big, they ran up the score simply to get LDT his single season record.  Note to Marty Schotenhimer, Cam Cameron, and LDT….the truely great players are not only good athletes, they are also classy people.  Does anybody else think that the Chargers are better than their 1-2 record?

New Jersey (AFC) 31, Miami 28

Ronnie Brown’s breakout preformance was impressive (and about time), but it wasn’t enough to hold back Chad Pennington and the high flying Jets.  It also helps when your back-up running back returns a kick 98 yards for a TD, but whos counting anyways?  Miami has decided that it would go bizzaro this season, and its defence would be terrible instead of its offence.  Then again, it doesn’t help when Zach Thomas has a concussion and Jason Taylor is chasing Peyton Manning though hotel hallways.

Philadelphia 56, Detroit 21

Kevin Curtis is the alpha, and Fernando Bryant is the Omega.  Which means that the alpha is good for 221 yards and 3 tds, while the Omega is good for special teams duty next week.  Donovan Mcnabb shut up critics and annoying fans for at least one week, putting up his best numbers since before his freak injury last season.  Chunky Soap lovers rejoiced, as Mcnabb did look noticably more mobile and accurate with the absence of that bulky knee brace he has been wearing.  This just in, Detroit still be lucky to win 5 games….nothing has really changed since the preseason.

Pittsburg 37, San Francisco 16

Pittsburg’s defence was the story of the game, holding stud Frank Gore to 39 yards, and getting a pick-6 off of Alex Smith.  Add an Allen Rossum 98 yard kick return TD, and you’ve got an old school Steeler beat down.  For all of the hell Rex Grossman has taken this season, would Bears fans really want Alex Smith instead?  Smith looked lost yet again, and one would wonder how long the SF faithful will tolerate his subpar play.

New England 38, Buffalo 7

Nobody circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills.  Unfortunately wagon laps don’t translate into football wins, as New England does what it always does…scores 38 points, gets Randy Moss the damn ball, and shuts down the other team.  Bright spot for Bills fans, Trent Edwards looks like the real deal, and the injury to Losman might be the Bledsoe/Brady injury Buffalo has been waiting for.

Tampa Bay 24, St Louis 3

Marc Bulger decided that he would do his best David Carr impression this season, and continued his pinball duties at QB.  Tampa’s defence, angry that the rest of the league uses their name when running the cover-2 now, held St Louis to only 3-12 on third down, and picked of Bulger 3 times.

Baltimore 26, Arizona 23

Kurt Warner replaced an ineffective Matt Lienart, and played like his wife was going to beat him up again if he sucked.  To little too late however, as a late Matt Stover figgie won the game for the Ravens.  Hey everybody!  Hows that preseason Super Bowl sleeper pick working out for you?!?!

Indianapolis 30, Houston 24

Typical Indy…Peyton, Addai, Clark, Wayne, Harrison, Wayne…   Houston had to go to Running Back By Commitee after Ahman Green got hurt on the first play of the game, luckily they have 26 running backs on the roster, so it all works out.

Kansas City 13, Minnesota 10

Kelly Holcomb and the Vikings, Damon Huard and the Chiefs….THE NFL ON CBS!!!  Phil Simms is beating his head againt the wall seeing that…

Oakland 26, Cleveland 24

Your typical two retards in a pillow fight.  2005 Lamont Jordan is nice to see.  2003 Jamal Lewis was nowhere to be found this week.

Jacksonville 23, Denver 14

Too much is being said already about how Jack Del Rio finally got the offence going.  He ran the ball 47 times because Champ Bailey, Dre Bly, and John Lynch play for the other team.  I want to know why the hell he even passed 14 times???  Mojo with another disappointing game…he is quickly falling into the “Just Friends Zone” with fantasy owners….they used to love him, but now - lets just be friends, Ok?

Seattle 24, Cincinnati 21

You mean Seattle didn’t put up 70??  I totally expected a Tecmo Bowl game to break out. (Visions of the Tecmo Bowl coin toss…and Hasselbeck grunting in a NES voice that he wants the ball and he’s going to score)  Attempted to place a call to field reporters at the stadium….evidently Quest Field IS that damned loud.  Those fans are who we thought they were, and we need to crown their asses loudest fans in the league by FAR.

New Jersey (NFC) 24, Washington 17

Washington was dissapointing, the Giants were inconsistant…. haven’t we been saying this for about 8 years?!?  Although, who had the dog winning outright on the road here? (not that anybody gambles outside of Vegas)

Carolina 27, Atlanta 20

Looks like due to injury we will be having a QB change next week.  Oh and Delhomme got hurt too.  David Carr played well replacing Jake Delhomme, and due to a freak brain injury to Joey Harrington, we may see Byron Leftwich sooner than later.  (disclaimer: brain injury occured 6 years ago)  Deshaun Foster was the star here, picking up 122 and a TD.

Dallas 34, Chicago 10

Rex Grossman DID look as bad as his critics say he is last night, and even Lovie Smith can’t ignore his play much longer.  Rexy was sacked 3 times and picked off thrice, one of those for the game clinching pick-6.  Terrel Owens was an absolute beast against a good, but depleted, Chicago defence, catching 8 balls for 145 yards.  Chicago was in the Super Bowl last year.  Remember.

Thanks to the guys over at MeStew for finding this classic Youtube.  Why do I feel dissapointed that none of my college friends have tried this….

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gb0d3y4PcDg

Please forgive the hyperlinks to YouTube while I figure out how to imbed the video into the blog.